“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.” — Steven Covey
Getting to the point
In any paper, the thesis statement is composed of a simple sentence or two, and is the direction, the laser focus and the “point” of your essay. It announces to the reader, “I am going to be discussing something very specific and very important and THIS is what it is.”
As the name implies, the thesis statement is a statement; it’s an announcement to your reader (or to your teacher) that you have an answer and a confident point of view. The thesis statement typically transitions directly from your hook and then is followed by either a research detail (also known as evidence, text-evidence, concrete detail) or an interpretation (also known as explanation, analysis or commentary).
In the essaypop system, kids write in color-coded writing frames that represent the different elements of an essay. The thesis statement is always color coded in pink.
There are some important things to consider when composing a great thesis statement and we will detail them here:
Tip 1 — Read the prompt carefully
This may sound like an obvious step, but a lot of students rush into the writing before thoroughly understanding and processing what is actually being asked in the prompt. So read the prompt twice – read it three times if necessary, picking out critical words and statements. Are there two or more parts to the prompt? Discuss the prompt with a peer or the teacher if it is appropriate to do so.
Once you have read and understood the prompt completely, then you can confidently write your thesis statement which, in essence, is a general and concisely stated “answer” to the question that will be discussed and proven in much more detail later within the paper.
Tip 2 — Mirror the Prompt in your thesis statement
Because students sometimes go off in wayward directions and forget to address the question being asked (even after carefully reading the prompt!), we felt it was important to give young writers some techniques to stay on track. One tried-and-true strategy to ensure that you do address the prompt is to include words and phrases from the prompt itself in your thesis statement.
We call this mirroring the prompt. Some writers worry that they’ll be accused of plagiarising the teacher if they do this, but if done reasonably and fairly, this strategy will not only ensure you address the prompt, it will put a smile on your teacher’s face, because she’ll know you took the time to read the question that she so carefully constructed.
Take a look at the following examples:
Example 1
The Prompt
Things are not always as they seem, and this is especially the case in poetry. In her poem, “The Moon Tiger”, Denise Levertov provides the reader with a cryptic and mysterious evidence that provide clues that if carefully assessed reveal the true and literal identity of the work’s prowling feline. So the question is: What is the moon tiger really? Use text-evidence to justify your answer.
The Thesis Statement:
A careful analysis of the cryptic and mysterious evidence in Denise Levertov’s poem, “The Moon Tiger” reveals the true identity of the prowling feline to be, quite simply, moonlight slowly passing across the floor in a child’s bedroom.
Notes
- All of the phrases in pink are taken directly from the prompt itself. This mirroring of the prompt keeps the writer focused on the question.
- The poet and the poem are deliberately mentioned in the thesis statement (this is a great place to do this).
- The thesis statement is a concise, single sentence — it is focused.
Example 2
The Prompt:
In class, we just read the Atlantic Monthly article, “How Two Common Medications Became One $455 Million Specialty Pill” by Marshall Allen which provides two fairly balanced perspectives regarding the factors behind the pricing of the drug, Vimovo. In a 300-500 word short essay, discuss whether you believe the Horizon Pharmaceutical Company is justified in selling Vimovo at the price that they do.
The Thesis Statement
Marshall Allen’s Atlantic monthly article, “How Two Common Medications Became One $455 Million Specialty Pill” brings up two fairly balanced perspectives regarding the cost of their drug, Vimovo. After careful consideration, however, it seems clear that there is no way to justify this company charging such exorbitant prices for this drug.
Notes
- All of the phrases in pink are taken directly from the prompt itself. This mirroring of the prompt keeps the writer focused on the question.
- The prompt asks the essayist to take a side, and this writer clearly does so with the phrase, “no way to justify”.
- The poet and the poem are deliberately mentioned in the thesis statement (this is a great place to do this).
- At two sentences, the thesis statement is concise and focused.
Tip 3 — Avoid Being Vague
While we recommend that the thesis statement be very focused, and that it avoids containing information that belongs in the hook or the body section of the paper, there are some writers who create thesis statements that are just too vague. In other words, they don’t contain enough information to tell the reader what the essay is really going to be about. Mirroring, or using words and phrases from the prompt, as we’ve discussed, will usually help to avoid this mistake, but not always. So let’s take a look at a few examples from thesis statements that are a little vague and how they can be rewritten to contain enough information to begin truly answering the prompt.
Example 1
The Prompt:
In Denise Levertov’s poem, “Moon Tiger”, what is the moon tiger really? Use textual evidence to justify your answer.
Vague Thesis Statement: This is clearly a very mysterious poem
Better Thesis Statement: In her poem, “Moon Tiger”, Denise Levertov provides the reader with some very interesting clues as to the true and literal identity of the work’s creeping tiger. The “tiger” is, in fact, moonlight passing through blinds in a child’s bedroom.
Notes: The author and poem are not mentioned at all in the first example which creates a sense of vagueness from the start. Simply describing the poem as “mysterious” is far too general, besides this statement does not answer the prompt; it does not mention what the moon tiger is really.
The second example corrects these issues by explicitly naming the poet and the poem and providing a general “answer” to the prompt’s question. This theory will be fleshed out and proven in the rest of the paper.
Example 2
This prompt is taken directly from the University of California Personal Insight Questions. Answering such essay questions is part of their application process.
The Prompt:
What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?
Vague Thesis Statement: I have done much to make my school and community a better place.
Better Thesis Statement: I’d have to say that more than any other endeavor, my position as president of Marshall High School’s Key Club has allowed me to give back to my school and my community in a way that has been both meaningful to others and personally satisfying.
Notes: While the first example does mirror the prompt to a certain degree, it is extremely vague. It provides no direction for the essay other than, “I made things better.” The second example gives specifics in terms of a specific title in a specific club at a specific high school. It tightens up the focus which will help the essay writer craft a more purposeful short response.
Tip 4 — Avoid Saying Too Much
The bottom line is, an essayist should generally be able to write a perfectly good thesis statement for a short response that mirrors the prompt and provides enough detail in one or two sentences. Remember, the thesis gives a general idea of what the essay will be about, without being vague. Also recall that it will be followed by a text evidence (research) and analysis (interpretation) and these are the elements that flesh out and essentially prove the thesis. Please note that most of the thesis statements in the models to follow are just one or two sentences in length.
Tip 5 — Write your thesis statement first
Since the thesis statement is the laser focus of your response, it makes sense that you would put it down first. We understand that the hook writing frame appears first, but the hook (while critical to the flow of the essay) really is there to introduce and blend into the thesis statement. Think of your thesis as the foundation of a house. You certainly would want that structure laid down and solid before you added any additions to it. This technique, while simple, will give you much better results.
Models
Here are some examples of some prompts and the of one and two-sentence thesis statements that were derived from them. For ease of identification, the thesis statement will be highlighted in pink. For the sake of context, they are also presented following a portion of the response’s hook, and are followed by a bit of the first research detail.
Model 1
Type of essay: expository / how-to
The Prompt: Discuss an important element of a favorite recipe that most people wouldn’t consider, but which is critical to successfully preparing the dish.
…There are the sweet-toothed jelly fans who contend that it is the sweet ingredient that provides all the flavor. In fact, both of these groups are dead wrong. As a peanut butter and jelly expert, I can assure you that it is the type of bread you choose that determines whether the sandwich will be acceptable or not. If you mess this part up, you will have a disaster on your hands. So, what kind of bread should be used? According to the experts…
Model 2
Type of essay: response to literature
The Prompt: Why might Walt Whitman’s poem, “When I Heard the Learn’d Astronomer” be an inspiration to students who struggle?
…The young man who suddenly gets up and leaves the lecture hall in Whitman’s poem, “When I Heard the Learn’d Astronomer” is truly a fish out of water, but is he a bad student? Is he dumb? Well, he certainly is not a fan of math. Walt Whitman’s poem, “When I Heard the Learn’d Astronomer”, must be considered an inspiration to anyone who’s ever wanted to angrily get up and leave in the middle of a boring class. When we first meet him he describes the setting like this. As the prominent poet puts it…
Model 3
Type of essay: expository/ argument
The Prompt: Based on the article excerpts we have reviewed in class, which individual do you think is most responsible for the thinking the cruise ship, Titanic?
… But who was responsible for the sinking of the great ship? Certainly, many people played a role in the tragedy, but one person seems more culpable than all the others. Based on the documents we have reviewed, it seems clear that Captain Edward J. Smith is the individual most responsible for the sinking of the Titanic and the deaths of all of those unfortunate passengers. Robert Ballard, who is considered one the most-renowned Titanic experts, confirms this in his research. Consider the following…
Model 4
Type of essay: research/expository
The prompt: We have reviewed a number of articles about the of the planet’s more interesting and unusual animals. In a text- evidence-based response (300-400 words), explain why you find one of these creatures to be the most intriguing. You have 35 minutes to complete this assignment.
…There certainly are a number of unusual creatures with some very strange abilities on this planet. If pressed to select the single animal that I find the most interesting, however, I would have to contend that jellyfish are quite simply one of the strangest and most unusual creatures on the planet. Scientists have discovered a number of examples of this fact. According to…
Model 5
Type of essay: persuasive/ argument
The prompt:
Our school’s administration announced recently that they are considering instituting a school dress code at Marshall High School. Based on your understanding of the rights granted U.S. citizens in the Constitution, do you feel such a policy would be advisable, ethical or even legal? Your response should be 250-350 words in length and contain some researched or factual evidence. You have 30 minutes to complete your response.
…This oppressive impulse is perfectly illustrated by the educational leaders of Marshall High School who would like its students to conform to certain, restrictive dress codes. I hate to break it to these conservative “crushers-of-young-folks’-spirits”, but a mandated dress code at our school is a flagrant violation of young people’s’ civil rights. Afterall, The First Amendment of our United States Constitution states…
Model 6
Type of essay: research/expository
The prompt: Are rattlesnakes a bane or a benefit to mankind? Respond in a structured, evidence-based, short-constructed response that is 300-350 words in length.
…The subject of deadly creatures, and especially those of the serpent variety make many people extremely uncomfortable. In our area of Southern California, rattlesnakes are particularly reviled. And while these reptiles may seem unpleasant to many people, they actually are extraordinarily beneficial to the environment in which we must live. In fact, without these snakes, our local environment would tumble out of balance. According to the Queensland Department of Environment, “The feeding habits of…
Model 7
Type of essay: response to literature
The prompt: In Denise Levertov’s poem, “Moon Tiger”, what is the moon tiger really? Use textual evidence to justify your answer.
…It seems that poet’s and authors take great delight in camouflaging their real themes and thoughts with strange symbols and figurative trickery. It becomes our task to analyze the sometimes inscrutable clues to get to the bottom of the writer’s real meaning. In her poem, “Moon Tiger”, Denise Levertov provides the reader with some some very subtle clues that, if looked at very carefully, reveal the true and literal identity of the work’s creeping tiger. Consider the following lines from the poem:…
