“Dear God, please grant me patience… P.S. Please hurry up.” – A Prayer
The Shorty
Oftentimes your teacher will assign a quickie — a short response paper that might be assigned after a classroom discussion or after reading a short story, a poem or an article. Some teachers refer to these as essay paragraphs. In terms of length, a short response can range from a single paragraph composed of anywhere from 150 – 400 words to a couple of paragraphs with 250 – 500 words – even longer if you have a lot to say. These, of course, are estimates, but you get the idea. Sometimes these short essays are assigned in class and may even be timed — “You have 25 minutes to respond to the author’s argument in a 300-word essay. Ready? Go!” — Sometimes these essays will be assigned as overnight homework.
One example of where short responses are required is on the University of California Freshman Personal Insight Questions. This application requires applicants to write four, short, personal essays, each of which can be no longer than 350 words in length. Applicants are actually penalized if they exceed this word count. The Common Application used by many private universities sets the range for their essay at 250 to 650 words.
The fact is, you are not always going to be assigned a long-form, multiple-paragraph essay. The short responses are just as common, and, guess what, in terms of your grades, they add up. The problem is, inexperienced writers often believe that because the responses are short, they can just churn them out quickly with little regard for organization and structure. This is a mistake. It is just as important to have a structured plan when approaching a short essay as it is when tackling a longer one.
It should also be noted that many of the elements of the short response are also found in the longer, multiple-paragraph essay. Both types of essays have a hook and a thesis statement, for example. They both present evidence and commentary as well. In fact, if you can master the short response, you will have learned most of the skills needed to produce a longer, multiple-paragraph essay.
The Basic Structure
Even though your response may be a single paragraph, it still needs to begin with some sort of introductory hook. You need something to set a context for the writing. It also requires a clear statement that precisely asserts what the main idea of the response will be. We call this the thesis statement. It then needs to include some sort of researched information that you are discussing such as a statistic, a quote, a statement, a fact, a personal anecdote, etc… We call this the research detail (also known as concrete detail, evidence, text evidence and proof).
The response also requires the voice of the essay writer in the form of commentary, explanation and an overall making sense of things. We call this part the interpretation (also known as analysis or explanation). Finally, the response should have some sort of closing sentence or two at the end to wrap things up and give the reader the sense that the essay is finished. We call this the closer.
So, essentially, the most basic short response will have the following structure:
[H + TS + RD + INT + C]
If any of these aspects are missing, the response will not be sufficient, and this will be reflected in your grade and in a look of confusion on your reader’s face. You need all of these parts. Of course, there are multiple variations to this structure. After the hook, some writers might opt to flip the script and compose their interpretation first, then follow that up with a relevant research detail. Or the essayist might choose to add a second interpretation because they have more to say and wish to elaborate. They may even want to add a second research detail. There is a lot of flexibility within the essaypop system as long as you have a structure that is organized and cohesive.
The following models are short responses to various response-to-literature, persuasive, expository, and personal response prompts. The color-coding used above will be used to distinguish the various short-response elements.
Model 1
This model represents the most basic form of short response. It is brief (234 words) and was written fairly quickly (just 20 minutes), but it has all of the elements that a basic response needs: a short hook, a clear thesis statement, some text-evidence (research detail), some explanation (interpretation) and a closing sentence (closer). This response does the job in the most efficient way possible.
Type of essay: short response / response to literature
The prompt: In Denise Levertov’s poem, “Moon Tiger”, what is the moon tiger really? Use textual evidence to justify your answer.
Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + C]
Word count: 234
Time spent: 15-20 minutes
It seems that poets and authors take great delight in camouflaging their real themes and thoughts with strange symbols and figurative trickery. It becomes our task to analyze the sometimes inscrutable clues to get to the bottom of the writer’s real meaning. In her poem, “Moon Tiger”, Denise Levertov provides the reader with some some very subtle clues that, if looked at very carefully, reveal the true and literal identity of the work’s creeping tiger. Consider the following lines from the poem: “Look. Its white stripes/ In the light that slid/ Through the jalousies”. Levertov is inviting us to pay close attention to a very specific clue: the white stripes coming through the room’s blinds. It is a physical fact that moonlight becomes separated into lines that are projected onto the floor when they pass through louvered blinds (jalousies in this case). The speaker in the poem seems to be a child who observes these lines of moonlight slowly traveling across her room; she imagines that they are the stripes of a tiger “prowling sleekly” across the room. Everything else in the poem, the small head, the large feet, the prowling, the sniffing, is all imagined by the child. The moon “tiger” is, very simply, the creation of a child’s overactive imagination and nothing else. It’s amazing how poet’s often hide that which is obvious in plain sight, but few people seem to notice.
Notes
- Hook: This hook is just two sentences in length, which is about right for a short response. It adequately introduces the notion that poets and writers are often hiding things right beneath our noses.
- Thesis statement: The thesis statement is direct and to the point; it echoes the prompt and promises to answer the question being asked.
- Research Detail:Beginning with the transitional-bridge phrase, “Consider the following”, this is a very conventional way to introduce a quote from a poem. This phrase was taken from the sentence starter menu. Notice that each line break is indicated with a forward slash mark.
- Interpretation: This interpretation is a healthy five-sentences long (essayop recommends that they be anywhere from 3-6 sentences each). The writer defends his interpretation of the lines with reasoned thinking.
- Closer: One simple sentence that expresses the essay writer’s overall reaction to the solving of the mystery, making this short paragraph feel finished. All in all, the paragraph coherently addresses the prompt.
Model 2
This model is simply an augmentation of Model 1. The essay writer either had a little extra time or just had a little more to say. Or, maybe the teacher just assigned a higher word count. The modification here is the addition of a second interpretation. This simple addition can add depth and length to your response, and is worth trying if your responses tend to be a bit short or your teacher asks you to elaborate.
Type of essay: short response / response to literature
The prompt: In Denise Levertov’s poem, “Moon Tiger”, what is the moon tiger really? Use textual evidence to justify your answer.
Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + INT2 + C]
Word count: 323
Time spent: 25-30 minutes
It seems that poets and authors take great delight in camouflaging their real themes and thoughts with strange symbols and figurative trickery. It becomes our task to analyze the sometimes inscrutable clues to get to the bottom of the writer’s real meaning. In her poem, “Moon Tiger”, Denise Levertov provides the reader with some some very interesting clues as to the the true and literal identity of the work’s creeping tiger. Consider the following lines from the poem: “Look. Its white stripes/ In the light that slid/Through the jalousies”. Levertov is inviting us to pay close attention to a very specific clue: the white stripes coming through the room’s blinds. It is a physical fact that moonlight becomes separated into lines that are projected onto the floor when they pass through louvered blinds (jalousies in this case). The speaker in the poem seems to be a child who observes these lines of moonlight slowly traveling across her room; she imagines that they are the stripes of a tiger “prowling sleekly” across the room. Everything else in the poem, the small head, the large feet, the prowling , the sniffing, is all imagined by the child. The moon “tiger” is, very simply, the creation of a child’s overactive imagination and nothing else. When you think back to your own childhood, the experience that Levertov describes is not too far from the the way children experience the world. I remember working myself into a frenzy when I was four or five, imagining that every creak our old house made was a prowler creeping down the hall, or that the wind outside was the sound of winged beasts ready to sweep me away if I dared go outside. It’s amazing how poet’s often hide that which is obvious in plain sight, but few people seem to notice. In Levertov’s case, her little mystery does a pretty good job of portraying the incessantly imaginative minds of children.
Notes
- Hook: This hook is just two sentences in length, which is about right for a short response. It adequately introduces the notion that poets and writers are often hiding things right beneath our noses.
- Thesis statement: The thesis statement is direct and to the point, it echoes the prompt and promises to answer the question being asked.
- Research Detail: The phrase, “Consider the following,” serves as a nice transition into the lines quoted from the poem, and is taken directly from the sentence-starter-pull-down menu located in the lower-center portion of the writing frame.
- Interpretation: This interpretation is a healthy five-sentences long (essaypop recommends that they be anywhere from 3-6 sentences each). The writer defends his interpretation of the lines with reasoned thinking.
- Interpretation 2: The response is lengthened with the addition a personal connection made by writer. The second interpretation personalizes the response and adds depth.
- Closer: Two sentences are more appropriate here due to the addition of the second interpretation.
Model 3
This model is a subtle variation of Model 2. The difference is that the writer decided to write the interpretation directly following the thesis statement, and then bring in the research detail in the form of a quote. The rest is essentially the same. The point is, sometimes a writer may want to get directly into the explanation/interpretation part of the discourse. This is easily done by grabbing the writing frame handle and moving the desired frame to another location. No notes are included after this model because the elements are essentially the same as Model 2.
Type of essay: short response / response to literature
The prompt: In Denise Levertov’s poem, “Moon Tiger”, what is the moon tiger really? Use textual evidence to justify your answer.
Template Formula: H + TS + INT + RD + INT2 + C]
Word count: 323
Time spent: 25-30 minutes
It seems that poet’s and authors take great delight in camouflaging their real themes and thoughts with strange symbols and figurative trickery. It becomes our task to analyze the sometimes inscrutable clues to get to the bottom of the writer’s real meaning. In her poem, “Moon Tiger”, Denise Levertov provides the reader with some some very interesting clues as to the the true and literal identity of the work’s creeping tiger. Levertov invites us to pay close attention to a very specific clue: the white stripes coming through the room’s blinds. It is a physical fact that moonlight becomes separated into lines that are projected onto the floor when they pass through louvered blinds (jalousies in this case). When Levertov exclaims, “Look. Its white stripes/ In the light that slid/Through the jalousies”, she is speaking from the point of view of a child who observes these lines of moonlight slowly traveling across her room; she imagines that they are the stripes of a tiger “prowling sleekly” across the room. Everything else in the poem, the small head, the large feet, the prowling, the sniffing, is all imagined by the child. The moon “tiger” is, very simply, the creation of a child’s overactive imagination and nothing else. When you think back to your own childhood, the experience that Levertov describes is not too far from the way children experience the world. I remember working myself into a frenzy when I was four or five, imagining that every creak our old house made was a prowler creeping down the hall, or that the wind outside was the sound of winged beasts ready to sweep me away if I dared go outside. It’s amazing how poets often hide that which is obvious in plain sight, but few people seem to notice. In Levertov’s case, her little mystery does a pretty good job of portraying the incessantly imaginative minds of children.
Model 4
Like model 1, this response uses just the basic template formula. It is a in-class, timed assignment.
Type of essay: Expository / Argument
The prompt: We just read the Atlantic Monthly article, “How Two Common Medications Became One $455 Million Specialty Pill” by Marshall Allen. In a 300-500 word short essay, discuss whether you believe the Horizon Pharmaceutical Company is justified in selling the drug Vimovo at the price that they do.
Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + C]
Word count: 322
Time spent: 20-25 minutes
Isaac Asimov once said wisely, “I don’t prescribe to the thesis, ‘let the buyer beware’, I prefer the disregarded one that goes, ‘let the seller be honest’.” It seems as though every big company these days has discovered state-of-the-art ways to separate people from their hard-earned cash, and the pharmaceutical companies are certainly no exception. Marshall Allen’s Atlantic monthly article, “How Two Common Medications Became One $455 Million Specialty Pill” brings up two fairly balanced perspectives regarding the cost of their drug, Vimovo. After careful consideration, however, it seems clear that there is no way to justify this company charging such exorbitant prices for this drug. According to this journalist, It seems that Horizon simply takes two very common medications, a pain reliever and a stomach-upset medicine, and combines them into one pill, because pain relievers cause some people stomach discomfort. Not a bad idea I guess, but at what cost? “Of course I did the math”, says the Allen. “You can walk into your local drugstore and buy a month’s supply of Aleve and Nexium for about $40. For Vimovo, the pharmacy billed my insurance company $3,252.” This is a staggering markup in price. And what’s worse is they seem to be getting away with it. Vimovo, according to Allen, has netted the company $455 million since 2014 and shows no signs of slowing down. They seem to be able to get away with this with a series of sales tricks and back-room deals with insurance companies that the doctors and patients prescribing and using the drugs are seldom aware of. And despite the company executives claiming that they only are charging what the market will bear, and that they receive few complaints about their pricing, well, that’s only because they’ve done such a good job of concealing their unethical tactics. I’m with Mr. Asimov, it’s too bad a company like Horizon can’t simply make their profits in an honest way.
Notes
- Hook: The quote by Isaac Asimov goes right to the heart of the topic of unscrupulous sellers. You’ll notice that the essay writer refers once again to Asimov in the closer. This is the proper way to use a quote as a hook in a short response. The hook then bridges seamlessly into the thesis statement.
- Thesis statement: The thesis statement specifically names the article and its author. It echoes the prompt and promises to answer the question being asked.
- Research Detail: The first part of the research detail is paraphrased information that provides context for a reader who may not know what this medicine is. The second part is a direct quote that provides a startling statistic.
- Interpretation: This interpretation goes into why Horizon’s business practices are unethical and unfair. Another research detail ($455 million since 2014) is embedded in the interpretation which is a common practice and fine. A brief mention of the companies justification is quickly rebutted here.
- Closer: Returning back to Asimov, this closer makes the short response feel like it’s come full circle, which is an impressive thing for a writer to do.
Model 5
This model is a variation of model 4. In order to make the response lengthier and more substantive, the essay writer added an additional research detail. She also split her original interpretation in two, dropping interpretation 2 down to follow the second research detail. Finally, because the response was starting to feel lengthy, she broke the response into a second paragraph. By simply adding a paragraph break in a place that felt natural. No notes will follow this model.
Type of essay: Expository / Argument
The prompt: We just read the Atlantic Monthly article, “How Two Common Medications Became One $455 Million Specialty Pill” by Marshall Allen. In a 300-400 word short essay, discuss whether you believe the Horizon Pharmaceutical Company is justified in selling the drug Vimovo at the price that they do.
Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + RD2 + INT2 + C]
Word count: 377
Time spent: 25-30 minutes
Isaac Asimov once said wisely, “I don’t prescribe to the thesis, ‘let the buyer beware’, I prefer the disregarded one that goes, ‘let the seller be honest’.” It seems as though every big company these days has discovered state-of the-art ways to separate people from their hard-earned cash, and the pharmaceutical companies are certainly no exception. Marshall Allen’s Atlantic monthly article, “How Two Common Medications Became One $455 Million Specialty Pill” brings up two fairly balanced perspectives regarding the cost of their drug, Vimovo. After careful consideration, however, it seems clear that there is no way to justify this company charging such exorbitant prices for this drug. It seems that Horizon simply takes two very common medications, a pain reliever, and a stomach-upset medicine, and combines them into one pill because pain relievers cause some people stomach discomfort. Not a bad idea I guess, but at what cost? “Of course I did the math”, says the Allen. “You can walk into your local drugstore and buy a month’s supply of Aleve and Nexium for about $40. For Vimovo, the pharmacy billed my insurance company $3,252.” This is a staggering markup in price. And what’s worse is they seem to be getting away with it. Vimovo, according to Allen, has netted the company $455 million since 2014 and shows no signs of slowing down. They seem to be able to get away with this with a series of sales tricks and back-room deals with insurance companies that the doctors and patients prescribing and using the drugs are seldom aware of. And they don’t stop there.
Based on Allen’s research, Vimovo isn’t Horizon’s only such drug. It has brought in an additional $465 million in net sales from Duexis, a similar convenience drug that combines ibuprofen and famotidine, aka Advil and Pepcid. So, they’ve taken a successful, albeit questionable practice, and spun it into other profitable drugs. And despite the company executives claiming that they only are charging what the market will bear, and that they receive few complaints about their pricing, well, that’s only because they’ve done such a good job of concealing their unethical tactics. I’m with Mr. Asimov. It’s too bad a company like Horizon can’t simply make their profits in a more honest way.
Model 6
This is response to an actual University of California application question. It extends the basic short response template with the addition of a second research detail. Keep in mind that the research details in this paper are the essay writer’s own experience. Research usually, but does not always, come from other sources. Sometimes it comes from your own life in the form of recollections and personal anecdotes.
Type of essay: University of California Application / Personal Insight Question / personal narrative.
The prompt: What have you done to make your school or your community a better place? Limit: 350 words.
Template Formula: H + TS + RD + RD2 + INT + C]
Word count: 350
Time spent: 25-30 minutes
I have been the recipient of many a helping hand and kind gesture as a young Latino kid growing up in Los Angeles’s Boyle Heights area. My neighborhood was not an easy place to grow up, with poverty, unemployment and gang violence being a ubiquitous presence that affected everyone, especially kids. As I grew up, I took advantage of every club, team, and outreach program in my neighborhood and at my school that I came into contact with. And, believe me when I say, it helped. So, when I entered Eagle Rock High School as a freshman, I knew that joining a service organization would be a priority for me. More than any other endeavor in my life, my role in rejuvenating our school’s Bridges Mentorship Club has has allowed me to give back to my school in ways that have been both meaningful to others and personally satisfying. Eagle Rock serves grades seven through ten, and some of our most at-risk students are our middle-schoolers. Bridges matches these kids with upperclassmen who guide these students through the rigors of the secondary school experience. It was a club that was supported by a federal grant for many years, but that grant expired, and the club began to dwindle. Without a budget and a teacher-mentor, Bridges lost its way. My group searched for and found a mentor, developed a fundraising strategy, recruited upperclassmen mentors, and crafted lesson plans that would engage our at-risk, middle school population. We created a mentoring schedule that had to accommodate the calendars of teachers, administration and the mentees themselves. In time, we got the program up and running again, and even exceeded our own expectations in doing so. In bringing back Bridges, we brought back a support system for our most vulnerable students that was dearly missing from Eagle Rock. We recreated a program that has helped students in need find the support they need during one of their toughest, transitional times. Giving back what I received growing up has always been a priority for me. Resurrecting Bridges has allowed me to achieve this goal.
Notes
- Hook: At five sentences in length, this is a longer hook than short responses usually feature. However, because this student’s backstory is so essential to this narrative, it makes sense to elaborate in this situation. It also transitions smoothly into the thesis statement as a good hook should.
- Thesis statement: The thesis statement is a single sentence and it directly answers the stated prompt.
- Research Detail 1: The first research detail features pertinent information about the club’s purpose and demise due to lack of funding. The source of this “research” is the essay writer herself who is, as a founding club member, qualified to present factual information.
- Research Detail 2: The second research detail gets into the writer and her group’s specific accomplishments. Again, because this is a personal narrative, the research features her own recollections, which is perfectly acceptable for this type of writing.
- Interpretation: This interpretation in this particular response is quite short. It’s simply a commentary on the impact that the program is having on the school’s 7th and 8th graders.
- Closer: This closer wraps up the response by briefly restating the writer’s motivation and the thesis itself. Like any good closer, this element allows the response to feel finished.
Model 7
Type of essay: expository/ argument
The prompt: Based on the documents we reviewed in class today that assign blame for the Titanic tragedy to several different individuals, who, in your opinion, is most responsible for the sinking of the RMS Titanic and the deaths of over 1,500 passengers?
Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + C]
Word Count: 330
Time spent: 25-30 minutes
The sinking of the Titanic was one of the great tragedies in history. In today’s dollars, the loss of the ship cost it’s investors more than half a billion dollars. But what is worse than the economic loss, of course, is the massive loss of life. 1,503 passengers and crew either drowned or froze to death in the icy waters of the North Atlantic ocean on the fateful April night in 1912. But who was responsible for the sinking of the great ship? Certainly, many people played a role in the tragedy, but one person seems more culpable than all the others. Based on the documents we have reviewed, it seems clear that Captain Edward J. Smith is the individual most responsible for the sinking of the Titanic and the deaths of all of those unfortunate passengers. Robert Ballard, who is considered one of the most-renowned Titanic experts, confirms this in his research. Consider the following evidence taken from Ballard’s “Exploring the Titanic”: “In all Captain Smith received seven ice warnings the afternoon and evening of the disaster. Of those, only three were posted for anyone to see.” (367) Ignoring this many ice warnings just seems like a recipe for disaster. To use a car/driver analogy, this would be like a driver ignoring three stop signs, driving through two red lights and careening over the Metro track when the gate is down — such a driver would surely get into an accident sooner or later. It is surprising that a captain with 38 years of experience would be so reckless, and clearly had he heeded these warnings, the ship would have survived. It also makes one wonder if Captain Smith was caught up in the overconfidence and hubris of the moment. I mean, why worry about iceberg warnings if you’re sailing an “unsinkable” ship? Sure, the blame could be spread around in regards to this tragic event, but if one person must be held most responsible, it is the captain.
Notes
- Hook: This hook attempts to reel in the reader with a pair of startling facts. The first pertains to the huge economic toll the loss of the Titanic caused its company and investors. The second reveals the massive loss of human life that occurred during the fateful voyage. The hook ends with a rhetorical question that is sure to answered by the essayist.
- Thesis statement: The thesis statement is two sentences in length. It adequately echoes the prompt and provides an answer to the rhetorical question that is asked in the hook.
- Research Detail: Some context regarding who Robert Ballard is is provided prior to the quote. The phrase, “Consider the following evidence” was taken from the sentence starter menu and helps to smoothly transition into the quote itself. The quote is parenthetically cited in accordance with MLA citation requirements.
- Interpretation: This interpretation employs an analogy to help explain the significance of the quote. It brings in some of the essayists own opinion and, frankly, his judgement of the captain’s behavior. The interpretation concludes effectively with a rhetorical question.
- Closer: The response closes a single sentence that reiterates the prompt and the thesis sentence, making the response feel finished.
Model 8
This model extends the basic short response template by having the two research details and interpretations alternate within the response. This technique is ideal for expository responses that feature additional evidence. It also creates a rhythm within the writing.
Type of essay: research/expository
The prompt: We have reviewed a number of articles about the of the planet’s more interesting and unusual animals. In a text-evidence-based response (300-400 words), explain why you find one of these creatures to be the most intriguing. You have 35 minutes to complete this assignment.
Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + RD2 + INT2 + C]
Word Count: 327
Time spent: 25-30 minutes
Did you know that turtles are capable of breathing from their butts? Were you aware that penguins can go three months without food? Would it surprise you that rattlesnakes can “see” your heat signature? There certainly are a number of unusual creatures with some very strange abilities on this planet. If pressed to select the single animal that I find the most interesting, however, I would have to contend that jellyfish are quite simply one of the strangest and most unusual creatures on the planet. Scientists have discovered a number of examples of this fact. According to the highly regarded marine biologist, Edwin Kantor, “The largest jellyfish species, the lion’s mane jellyfish (Cyanea capillata), can have tentacles that extend longer than a blue whale, the largest mammal on Earth.” (67) It is difficult to fathom how large this really is. If you placed this fellow on the top of a ten-story building, the tips of his tentacles would still touch the sidewalk. Imagine how effectively a creature with such a “wingspan” could hunt. He certainly must be a fearsome predator. And the weirdness doesn’t stop there. Consider the following : “The immortal jellyfish (Turritopsis dohrnii) ages like Benjamin Button—when a crisis like starvation presents itself, the jellyfish’s cells transform and revert to their earliest form, a polyp, making this type of jellyfish potentially immortal.” (Simmons 254) Again, it is no surprise that folks look at this formless creature like an alien being from another universe. It’s one thing to be able to stretch out to the size of a sequoia redwood, but to possess the ability to live forever?– that’s truly unique, not to mention a skill that we humans would most likely want to emulate if we could ever figure out how. All in all, when you consider some of their unusual abilities and characteristics, jellyfish truly are some of the weirdest organisms on the planet, although that butt-breathing trick that turtles do is pretty unique.
Notes
- Hook: This hook, like the example before it, attempts to reel in the reader with several startling facts that are presented in a series of rhetorical questions. All relate to animals that have been read about in the essay writers biology class. The hook ends with a declarative statement that will blend nicely with the thesis statement to come.
- Thesis statement: The thesis statement adequately and clearly echoes the prompt. It uses the first person “I” which is appropriate given that this a personal response assignment.
- Research Details 1 and 2: Both quotes are taken from marine scientists and gives the paper an air of informed trustworthiness. The quotes are both parenthetically cited in accordance with MLA citation requirements.
- Interpretations 1 and 2: Neither interpretation is overly long (both are just 3 sentences in length), which is appropriate for a timed assignment like this one.
- Closer: The response reiterates the prompt and the thesis sentence, making the response feel finished. The added humor at the end is skirting the boundaries of what is considered appropriate for academic writing, but sometimes a writer needs to have some fun. The turtle-butt reference also is a reference to the hook which makes the writing feel like has come full-circle.
Model 9
Like model 1, this response uses just the basic template formula which is appropriate for an in-class, timed assignment.
Type of essay: persuasive/ argument
The prompt: Our school’s administration announced recently that they are considering instituting a school dress code at Marshall High School. Based on your understanding of the rights granted U.S. citizens in the Constitution, do you feel such a policy would is advisable, ethical, or even legal? Your response should be 250-350 words in length and contain some researched or factual evidence. You have 30 minutes to complete your response.
Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + C]
Word Count: 259
Time spent: 25 minutes
I don’t know what’s gotten into today’s adults, but lately it seems that teachers and school administrators take more and more pleasure in squelching students’ individual creativity and their natural desire to want to express their own personal senses of style. This oppressive impulse is perfectly illustrated by the educational leaders of Marshall High School who would like its students to conform to certain, restrictive dress codes. I hate to break it to these conservative “crushers-of-young-folks’-spirits”, but a mandated dress code at our school is a flagrant violation of young people’s’ civil rights. Afterall, The First Amendment of our United States Constitution states that “Congress cannot pass laws abridging the freedom of speech.” Our forefathers did not intend to have any American citizen’s right to reasonably express him or herself taken away by anybody at any time, no matter their age. This constitutional protection allows us to speak out against politicians who we disagree with. It allows us to write articles that might be controversial or even offensive to some. And it certainly extends to students who might want to wear some loose-fitting jeans or a punk-rock tee shirt. Expressing one’s style, politics or ideas with one’s choice of clothing is no different than doing so with words spoken aloud or written down on paper. So, if the adult leadership of our school is serious about forcing a dress code on us, then they might as well admit that they they are a willing party to the a crass violation of the basic constitutional rights of our school’s students.
Notes
- Hook: This hook expresses the essay writer’s belief that an injustice is being contemplated by the school’s adult leadership. The words used here are strong. Phrases such as, “squelching students’ individual creativity”, and, “This oppressive impulse”, suggest that a great wrong is happening and that this essayist is none too pleased about it.
- Thesis statement: The thesis statement oozes with the persecuted annoyance that began in the hook. It echoes the prompt and promises to answer the question being asked.
- Research Detail: The phrase “after all” is a nice transitional element that helps move smoothly into the evidence. The research detail itself is short and sweet, citing the first amendment of the Constitution, beginning with the sentence starter* “states that”. The source is not cited because the existent of this document is considered common knowledge.
- Interpretation: At six sentences long, the interpretation is a healthy length. It focuses on other areas where freedom of expression is protected by the 1st amendment, then reasons that choice of clothing at school should be similarly protected. The somewhat animated tone befits a persuasive response.
- Closer: The word “So” to begin the closer is taken from the sentence starter menu. The tone of the closer maintains the indignant tone that permeates this short response.
Model 10
This model is a variation of model 9. In this model the “script is flipped” and the interpretation directly follows the thesis statement. This is easily done by grabbing the writing frame handle and moving the frame to its new location. Another difference is that a second research detail is added to this model, giving the response a bit more gravity.
Type of essay: persuasive/ argument
The prompt: Our school’s administration announced recently that they are considering instituting a school dress code at Marshall High School. Based on your understanding of the rights granted U.S. citizens in the Constitution, do you feel such a policy would is advisable, ethical or even legal? Your response should be 250-350 words in length and contain some researched evidence. It is due at the start of class tomorrow.
Template Formula: H + TS + INT + RD + RD2 + C]
Word Count: 301
Time spent: 30-35 minutes (including research)
I don’t know what’s gotten into today’s adults, but lately, it seems that teachers and school administrators take more and more pleasure in squelching students’ individual creativity and their natural desire to want to express their own personal senses of style. This oppressive impulse is perfectly illustrated by the educational leaders of Marshall High School who would like its students to conform to certain, restrictive dress codes. I hate to break it to these conservative “crushers-of-young-folks’-spirits”, but a mandated dress code at our school is a flagrant violation of young people’s’ civil rights. Our forefathers did not intend to have any American citizen’s right to reasonably express him or herself taken away by anybody at any time, no matter their age. This constitutional protection allows us to speak out against politicians who we disagree with. It allows us to write articles that might be controversial or even offensive to some. And it certainly extends to students who might want to wear some loose-fitting jeans or a punk-rock tee shirt. Expressing one’s style, politics, or ideas with one’s choice of clothing is no different than doing so with words spoken aloud or written down on paper. After all, The First Amendment of our United States Constitution states that “Congress cannot pass laws abridging the freedom of speech.” Additionally, Lee Rowland of the American Civil Liberties Union’s Nevada branch reminds us that “in conflict with the First Amendment, school uniform policies create instead an environment of sterilized uniformity scrubbed of the diversity so prized by our founding fathers. (238) So, if the adult leadership of our school is serious about forcing a dress code on us, then they might as well admit that they they are willing to be a party to a crass violation of the basic constitutional rights of our school’s students.
Notes
- Hook: This hook expresses the essay writer’s belief that an injustice is being contemplated by the school’s adult leadership. The words used here are strong. Phrases such as, “squelching students’ individual creativity”, and, “This oppressive impulse”, suggest that a great wrong is happening and that this essayist is none too pleased about it.
- Thesis statement: The thesis statement oozes with the persecuted annoyance that began in the hook. It echoes the prompt and promises to answer the question being asked.
- Interpretation: At six sentences long, the interpretation is a healthy length. It focuses on other areas where freedom of expression is protected by the 1st amendment, then reasons that choice of clothing at school should be similarly protected. The somewhat animated tone befits a persuasive response by a person who feel her rights are being violated.
- Research Detail 1: The phrase “after all” is a nice transitional element that helps move smoothly into the evidence. The research detail itself is short and sweet, citing the first amendment of the Constitution beginning with the sentence starter* “states that”. The source is not cited because the existent of this document is considered common knowledge.
- Research Detail 2: The transitional word, “additionally” helps the writer move directly, but smoothly, into the second research detail. Rowlands quote is relevant as it not only brings up the first amendment but mentions the “sterilized uniformity” that the essayist is speaking out against.
- Closer: The word “So” to begin the closer is taken from the sentence starter menu. The tone of the closer maintains the indignant tone that permeates this short response.
Model 11
Type of essay: research/expository
The prompt: Are rattlesnakes a bane or a benefit to mankind? Respond in a structured, evidence-based short constructed response that is 300-350 words in length.
Template Formula: H + TS + + RD + INT + B + RD2 + INT + C]
Word Count: 327
Time spent: 30-35 minutes (including research)
The subject of deadly creatures, and especially those of the serpent variety make many people extremely uncomfortable. In our area of Southern California, rattlesnakes are particularly reviled. And while these reptiles may seem unpleasant to many people, they actually are extraordinarily beneficial to the environment in which we must live. In fact, without these snakes, our local environment would tumble out of balance. According to the Queensland Department of Environment, “The feeding habits of rattlesnakes act as a natural form of pest control. Snakes are predators and feed on a variety of creatures. Small snakes feed on many harmful bugs and insects. Larger ones eat mice, rats, and other small mammals that can destroy crops or damage personal property.” (Dept. of Environment) It is clear that if we were to eliminate rattlesnakes from our environment with the objective of making ourselves “safe”, we would inadvertently and ironically create the opposite effect. An increase in insects and rodents would most certainly lead to such adverse effects as bites, feces in food supplies and the diseases that accompany these conditions. So as you can see, these creatures do have some beneficial qualities. Recent research by other scientists supports this idea. In fact, “New research by a team of University of Maryland biologists shows the timber rattlesnake indirectly benefits humankind by keeping Lyme disease in check.” (Kabay) Lyme disease is a very deadly illness that can incapacitate and even kill humans. Many people are infected by the disease every year, and it is spread by ticks that live on small creatures like rats and squirrels that are staples of the rattlesnake diet. The research clearly indicates that eliminating rattlesnakes from human environments would make the environment in which we live more dangerous not less dangerous. On the whole, rattlesnakes, despite their fearsome appearance, are quite effective allies in our fight against illness and disease. With this in mind, they should most definitely be regarded as friends and not foes.
Notes
- Hook: This is simple background hook revealing that rattlesnakes are indeed feared by a lot of people in Southern California.
- Thesis Statement: The thesis stands in opposition to the hook, stating that this response is going to elaborate on the beneficial aspects of rattlesnakes.
- Research Detail 1: The first research detail cites a solid scientific source. It is properly quoted and cited parenthetically. It also matches nicely with the research detail to come.
- Interpretation 1: At two sentences long, the INT is a little shorter than the 3-6 sentences that we normally recommend, but it does focus on the research detail and will be elaborated upon in the second INT. It also leads smoothly into the next research detail.
- Bridge: This really is more of a mini-bridge that was connected to a research detail sentence starter*. This bridge allows the writing to flow smoothly to the next research detail.
- Research Detail 2: Again, a solid scientific source is properly cited. It flows nicely from the previous writing, and the simple phrase, “In fact” (also taken from the sentence starter menu) adds emphasis to the significance of the evidence being presented.
- Interpretation 2: At three sentences in length, this INT continues the assertion that rattlesnakes are beneficial to our human society. It maintains the paper’s focus of featuring a misunderstood animal and is in keeping with the original short response prompt.
- Closer: This closer begins with the sentence starter “On the whole” which acts here as a kind of wrap-up statement. It adequately reinforces the main idea of the short response, reminding us that the prompt is being addressed.
