“I can see clearly now the rain is gone” — Johnny Nash
Getting to the point
Ah, the all-important thesis statement! This simple sentence or two is the direction, the laser focus. and the “point” of your entire essay. It announces to the reader, “I am going to be discussing something very specific and very important and THIS is what it is.”
As the name implies, the thesis statement is indeed a statement; it’s an announcement to your reader (or your teacher) that you have an answer, a take, and a confident point of view.
We at essaypop respectfully submit to you these five tips and models which, if taken into consideration, will help you create amazing thesis statements every time.
Tip 1 — Read the prompt carefully
One of the worst feelings a young essayist can experience is, after spending several hours writing an essay, getting marked down substantially because he or she never really answered the question. This is a frustrating situation for teachers and students alike, and it’s quite common. It’s also easily fixed.
When the essay prompt asks students to compare how two pieces of literature address a recurring theme, and a student spends three pages on why she prefers one piece of literature over the other, then the prompt has not been addressed no matter how much text evidence or solid reasoning has been introduced.
Or if a science class prompt asks students to compare the relative toxicity of rattlesnake and black widow venom and the writer instead discusses a time when she watched a black widow spider eat a praying mantis, the teacher’s question is not being answered (although that is kind of a cool story).
So, read the prompt very carefully. Read it twice; read it three times if necessary, and highlight and annotate as you do so, picking out critical words and phrases that you know are critical to the question.
Read the prompt out loud to a friend or classmate and see if you can agree on what the prompt is really asking you to write about. Once you have read and understood the prompt completely, then you can confidently write your thesis statement which, in essence, is a very concise and general answer to the question that will be discussed in detail throughout the essay.
Tip 2 — Mirror echo the prompt
Because students sometimes go off in wayward directions and forget to address the question being asked, we felt it was important to give young writers some techniques to stay on track. One tried-and-true strategy to ensure that you do address the prompt is to include words and phrases from the prompt itself in your thesis statement. We call this mirroring or echoing the prompt.
Some young writers worry that they’ll be accused of plagiarizing the teacher if they do this, but if done reasonably and fairly, this strategy will not only ensure you address the prompt, it will put a smile on your teacher’s face because she’ll know you took the time to read the question that she so carefully constructed.
Another thing to keep in mind is that sometimes the teacher will add additional information as a sort of introduction to the essay question. Sometimes this information is reflective or philosophical, sometimes it provides important background. Whatever the case, the teacher includes this for a reason, and you would be wise, read this part of the prompt carefully as well and maybe even mirror some of this information in your thesis statement.
Take a look at the following examples. The mirrored words and phrases shared by the prompt and the thesis statement are highlighted in light red:
Example 1
The prompt / (response to literature)
William Shakespeare’s “Sonnet 130” and Rodgers and Hart’s song, “My Funny Valentine” are very atypical and unusual expressions of love. In a multiple-paragraph, evidence-based essay, compare these two works in terms of how they uniquely explore themes of love and romance.
The thesis statement
This paper will discuss and compare William Shakespeare’s “Sonnet 130” and Rodgers and Hart’s song “My Funny Valentine” and demonstrate how these unusual works are very much alike in terms of how they uniquely explore the themes of love and romance.
Why this thesis statement works
Look at all the words and phrases taken from the prompt itself. This mirroring of terminology from the essay prompt helps to ensure that the writer is very focused on the teacher’s question. The thesis statement is a single, complex sentence and is not overly wordy or complicated. Both authors’ names and the titles of the works being analyzed are specifically mentioned.
Example 2
The Prompt (expository/ argument)
Many city dwellers are fearful of living close to wild animals. The idea of living amicably in the same environment as wolves, rattlesnakes, coyotes, or black widow spiders causes many folks’ skin to crawl. Are such unexpected, species-to-species relationships desirable or even possible?
The thesis statement
Despite human beings and rattlesnakes being a truly unlikely pair, in many urban and suburban regions of Southern California, Arizona, and Nevada, city dwellers and rattlers have coexisted in the most unexpected ways. You might even describe the relationship between the two species as downright amicable.
Why this thesis statement works?
Again, words and phrases from the prompt are used liberally in the thesis statement, showing that the writer has read and understood the prompt. The thesis statement is two-sentences in length and quite concise. It is also very specific; the essayist has decided to narrow the range of deadly animals to rattlesnakes only and to focus on the suburban regions of Southern California, Arizona, and Nevada. This specificity will help the writer remain focused.
Example 3
The Prompt (persuasive)
Pitbulls are commonly considered to be unpredictable and even vicious animals. They are frequently portrayed in the media as a societal threat that should be subject to stringent leashing requirements and prohibited from public spaces such as playgrounds, shopping areas, and even dog parks. Do you believe that pitbulls are a menace to society that should be singled out and restricted because of their vicious natures?
The thesis statement
The evidence shows that despite frequent attempts by the media and the public at large to portray pit bulls as unpredictable or vicious animals, they are in fact a friendly, intelligent, and loyal breed of dog. Any attempt to treat them as a societal threat, to subject them to stringent leashing laws, or to restrict them publicly in any would, in every way, be irrational and unfair.
Why this thesis statement works
Again, words and phrases from the prompt are used liberally in the thesis statement, showing that the writer has really read and understood the prompt. It is two-sentences in length and quite concise. It takes a clear position in rejecting the notion that pit bulls should be singled out and treated differently from other dog species.
Tip 3 — Avoid Being Vague
Since the thesis statement is the laser focus of your essay, you must be clear, concise, and specific when you write it. The problem is, if you take that advice too literally, you can create a statement that is just far too general and ambiguous.
Take the following thesis statement from an expository essay as an example: In my essay, I will be discussing rattlesnakes. This statement is specific to be sure, but it’s also so general as to be vague. Sure, the essay is about rattlesnakes, but what aspect of these reptiles will be discussed? Their venom, their life expectancy, their reproductive cycle, their ability to camouflage themselves? The focus is not clear.
Here is a better and less general thesis statement: Rattlesnakes possess several unique physical characteristics that make these reptiles one of the desert’s most deadly predators. This statement is less wide-open and more focused. It is clearly about rattlesnakes, but it zeros in on the creatures as desert predators, and it announces that the essay will focus on some of the snake’s physical attributes.
The specifics of which specific physical characteristics will be written about in the essay will appear next as add-ons to the thesis that we at essaypop call POPs (point of paragraph). These will be discussed in more detail a little later. For more clarity on the concept of overly-general thesis statements, take a look at these other examples:
Example 1
Too general
Our school needs more technology.
A better thesis statement
Because so many of our students lack basic computer skills, it would be wise for us to budget funds for the purchase of 100 Chromebooks next year.
Why this thesis statement works
This is a single, complex sentence that gives the writer and the reader some thoughts to focus on. It tells us what kind of technology should be purchased and why. The needed details are highlighted in light red. The first thesis statement could be about any kind of technology for any purpose.
Example 2
Too general
Sharon Creech uses a lot of foreshadowing in her novel, Walk Two Moons.
A better thesis statement
In order to create suspense and to prepare the reader for upcoming plot developments, Sharon Creech foreshadows the deaths of three main characters in her novel, Walk Two Moons.
Why this thesis statement works
This thesis statement tells us not only that Creech uses foreshadowing, but why she uses it. It also sets up the POPs to come that will focus on three main characters whose deaths are foreshadowed in the novel. The needed details are highlighted above in red.
Tip 4 — Avoid Saying Too Much
Okay, so we just discussed the reasons why you shouldn’t be too general in your thesis statement, now we’re going in the opposite direction and advising you not to say too much. Did we just develop a split-personality? Well, sort of, but stick with us because you’ll soon see this advice does make sense.
Here’s the thing, sometimes when young writers get rolling, it’s hard to stop them. And if the thesis statement, as we advise in this system, is the first thing to be written, some writers will just keep writing and writing until the thesis becomes a bit of a confusing mess.
Don’t worry, you’re going to be able to include all of your amazing research, anecdotes, and opinions in your essay. You’re just going to need to put them where they belong. Sometimes that will appear in the hook of your introduction; sometimes it will show up later in a body paragraph; it might even be reserved until you write the reflection portion of your conclusion.
Remember, with essaypop, there are specific writing frames to write down specific information and commentary. Make sure that only what belongs in the thesis is included in the thesis statement. Here are some examples of thesis statements that are trying to do too much. The problem areas are highlighted in light red:
Example 1
Secondhand smoke is just as harmful as smoking and leads to a higher prevalence of cancer and heart disease. I remember my grandpa smoked like a chimney and we would innocently breathe all of his exhaled smoke into our lungs for hours. What’s worse, people who inhale secondhand smoke are doing so without consent. This is proven in Dr. Karl Conrad’s excellent research at Johns Hopkins University and is such powerful proof that in cannot be ignored. For this reason, smoking in any public place should be banned. Think of all the kids such a policy could save from such a disgusting habit as smoking.
What’s the problem here?
First off, this thesis statement is six sentences long. Typically, it should be one or maybe two sentences (three at the most), so at six sentences, alarm bells should be going off.
The sentence about the smoking grandma is anecdotal and should be eliminated. It might be used in the hook or a later body paragraph, but it clutters things up here. The Dr. Conrad reference is a research detail that might do great in a later body paragraph, but it doesn’t belong here. The last sentence is commentary and should probably be placed in a body paragraph interpretation.
Here’s a better version:
Secondhand smoke is just as harmful as smoking and leads to a higher prevalence of cancer and heart disease. What’s worse, people who inhale secondhand smoke are doing so without consent. For this reason, smoking in any public place should be banned.
Why this revision works
At three, short sentences long, this thesis statement provides enough detail to focus the essay without being vague. It also takes a clear stand on the persuasive prompt. It will be further detailed and fleshed out with the POPs to follow. All in all, it is an effective launching point for this essay.
Example 2
Today, nearly 40% of American parents refuse to vaccinate their children due to a variety of unfounded fears. Most likely they’re caught up in erroneous stories in the media or fringe doctors who base their medical advice on unfounded science. Vaccinations against diseases such as polio, rubella, and mumps, should be mandatory, without exception, for all children of the U.S. who wish to attend school. These vaccinations are critical to the control and eradication of deadly infectious diseases. To think otherwise is simply irresponsible.
What’s the problem here?
The statistic that leads the thesis statement belongs either in the hook portion of the introduction or in a later body paragraph, as it really is a research detail section or supporting fact. In almost all cases, statistics and other such facts do not belong in the thesis statement; save them for other places in the paper. The sentence at the end is a subjective afterthought that can be expressed in other parts of the essay as well. Here, it just clutters things up.
Here’s a better version:
Vaccinations against diseases such as polio, rubella, and mumps, should be mandatory, without exception, for all children in the U.S. who wish to attend school. These vaccinations are critical to the control and eradication of deadly infectious diseases.
Why this revision works:
In two sentences, this thesis statement gets right to the point without being too general. The statistic at the beginning and the subjective opinions will be saved for later. POPs (also known as add-ons or sub-theses) will be added directly after this thesis statement to give the essay further structure and direction.
Tip 5 — Keep ‘em Short
An essayist should generally be able to write a perfectly good thesis statement that mirrors the prompt and provides enough detail in one or two sentences. Remember, the thesis gives a general idea of what the essay will be about, and that it will be followed by POPs that further delineate and flesh out the direction the essay will take. Here are some examples of one and two-sentence thesis statements:
Effective one-sentence thesis statements
- Because polar bears are a critical part of the arctic ecosystem and because they are dying off at an alarming rate, we must raise awareness and fund research to make sure that these amazing animals do not become extinct.
- Homeless people in Berkeley should be given access to services, such as regular food donations, public restrooms, and camping facilities because it would improve life for all inhabitants of the city.
Effective two and three-sentence thesis sentences
- Secondhand smoke is just as harmful as smoking and leads to a higher prevalence of cancer and heart disease. What’s worse, people who inhale secondhand smoke are doing so without consent. For this reason, smoking in any public place should be banned.
- Our school’s dependence on technology has caused students to lose the ability to think independently. This dependence has caused a greater prevalence of mood disorders, memory loss, and loneliness. Educators should combat these issues by requiring students to participate in regular technology detoxes.
Thesis Sentence Models
The following thesis statement models are shown in the context of partial introductions. They are preceded by a portion of the introduction’s hook (or engaging beginning) and then followed the first POP or so. POPs acting as sub-theses or add ons to the thesis statement and describe the topic of body paragraphs or sections to come.
Model 1
Type of essay: response to literature
The prompt: In a text-evidence-based, multiple-paragraph essay, give your reaction to Denise Levertov’s short poem, “Moon Tiger”.
…Perhaps it was because we were so young. Perhaps it was because we were so small compared to everything else. In the short poem, “Moon Tiger”, Denise Levertov explores this theme of the fantastic, and sometimes even delusional nature of childhood imagination. In the nighttime world she creates, the moonlight that enters…
Notes
This thesis statement for a short response essay is short and to the point. It addresses the prompt in sufficient detail and is followed by a POP that will provide even more direction for the reader.
Model 2
Type of essay: Narrative procedure (how to)
The prompt: In a text-evidence-based, multiple-paragraph essay, explain how to prepare a favorite food item of yours.
…There is perhaps no food item less analyzed or fussed over than the lowly peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It’s the ultimate quick snack; just slap some Skippy and grape jelly on some bread and move on, right? The fact is, creating the perfect PB & J is more challenging and artful then one might think, and the chef who constructs this simple delicacy must pay close attention to the little details. For instance, the choice of peanut butter is…
Notes
This thesis statement for a short response essay is short and to the point. It addresses the prompt in sufficient detail and is followed by a POP that will provide even more direction for the reader.
Model 3
Type of essay: response to literature
The prompt: In a text-evidence-based, multiple-paragraph essay, discuss how the opinions expressed in the literature of Walt Whitman, Pink Floyd, Albert Einstein, and the bloggers of Quora all present similar criticism of education, educational reform and learning in general.
…this is precisely what happens to the student in Walt Whitman’s poem, “When I Heard the Learn’d Astronomer” when he leaves the lecture hall after realizing that the lecturer’s overly math-oriented explanation of the stars is not for him. All of the literature we have been analyzing recently seems to be comparable to Whitman’s poem in terms of how they comment on the issues of education, educational reform, and learning in general. I will begin this paper with an analysis of…
Notes
This is a thesis statement for a multiple-paragraph, response-to-literature essay. At one complex sentence, it is short and to the point. It addresses the prompt in sufficient detail and is followed by a POP that will provide even more direction for the reader.
Model 4
Type of essay: expository / argument
The prompt: In a multiple-paragraph essay explore a factor or several factors that led to the sinking of the RMS Titanic and the deaths of over 1,500 passengers.
…Still, others blame non-human factors such as bad rivets, bad weather or just plain bad luck. But who or what was really to blame for the sinking of the Titanic and the loss of all those unfortunate souls? It is clear from the evidence that it was the Titanic’s chief architect, Thomas Andrews, who was mainly responsible for the tragic event. After all, It was Andrews who decided to…
Notes
This is a thesis statement for a multiple-paragraph, argumentative essay. At one complex sentence, it is short and to the point. It addresses the prompt in sufficient detail and is followed by a POP that will provide even more direction for the reader.
Model 5
Type of essay: persuasive/argumentative
The prompt: Pitbulls are commonly considered to be unpredictable and even vicious animals. They are frequently portrayed in the media as enough of a societal threat that they should be subject to stringent leashing requirements and prohibited from public spaces such as playgrounds and dog parks. Do you believe that pit bulls should be singled out and restricted because of their vicious nature?
…“They really are a very misunderstood breed”, says Rogers. Rogers is not alone in her defense of the breed. The evidence shows that despite frequent attempts by the media and public at large to portray pit bulls as vicious and savage animals, they are in fact a friendly and loyal breed, and any attempt to treat them as especially dangerous would be irrational and unfair. This paper will show that despite…
Notes
This is a thesis statement for a multiple-paragraph, argumentative essay. At one complex sentence, it is short and to the point. It addresses the prompt in sufficient detail and is followed by a POP that will provide even more direction for the reader.
Model 6
Type of essay: response to literature
The prompt: In a multiple-paragraph essay discuss a recurring theme that is addressed in Smokey Robinson’s two songs, “The Tracks of My Tears” and “The Tears of a Clown”
…Jimi Hendrix scribed an ode to revenge when he wailed, “Hey Joe, I heard you shot your lady down.” The Clash’s Mick Jones isn’t quite as extreme as Jimi’s desperate Joe, but still sounds disappointed when he asks, “Did you stand by me? No, not at all. Did you stand by me? No way.” Of course, another common reaction to heartbreak is good old-fashioned repression and denial. Such is the case in Smokey Robinson’s songs, “The Tracks of My Tears” and “The Tears of a Clown”. These songs, both lyrically and musically, explore the feelings of men who wear masks of happiness to hide deep heartache caused by being rejected by the ones they love. This paper will focus not only on how…
Notes
This is a thesis statement for a multiple-paragraph, argumentative essay. At two sentences sentence, it addresses the prompt in sufficient detail and is followed by a POP that will provide even more direction for the reader.
Model 7
Type of essay: response to literature
The prompt: In a multiple-paragraph essay, compare the recurring themes found in William Shakespeare’s “Sonnet 130” and Chet Baker’s version of Rodgers and Hart’s song, “My Funny Valentine”.
… There are so many fabulous examples that it seems quite odd that anyone would resort to mimicking verse that casts dispersions or even insults towards one’s lover. That’s what makes William Shakespeare’s Sonnet 130 and Rodgers and Hart’s “My Funny Valentine” so very interesting. These two very popular, but very unlikely expressions of love can be compared in several intriguing ways. Both works are notable in that they seem to…
Notes
This is a thesis statement for a multiple-paragraph, response-to-literature essay. At two sentences sentence, it addresses the prompt in sufficient detail and is followed by a POP that will provide even more direction for the reader.
